Episode 1

The first morning of Britain's Next Top Model was an interesting one for me. The night before I had had a last minute breakdown. By this, I mean crying on the phone to my mum, throwing up from nerves and only having 4 hours sleep. May I add, I can't remember the last time I threw up, which kind of gives you a good insight into how petrified I truly was.

My alarm went off at 5am, and I quickly got ready. I knew that we would be leaving the hotel at 6am, so I just chucked on some clothes, didn't do my hair and didn't put on any make-up. This was a big mistake. Rule number 1 of TV, ALWAYS be camera ready! I enjoyed my last half an hour with my phone, as I knew it would be taken off me very soon. I texted my parents and boyfriend saying bye, checked instagram for the last time, and listened to some music. I remember listening to Lily Allen 'Who'd Have Known' and starring at the ceiling, wondering what adventure lay ahead of me.

At 6am Liv, one of the researchers, came and collected me from my room, and me and 3 other girls were taken down to a minibus. At this point, we were all 'on ice', and therefore not allowed to speak to each other at all. I now know, these girls were Kira, Gabriella and Ocean. Liv took all of our money, phones and other personal items off us and told us we would be allowed them back when we left the competition. From then on, we had no contact with the outside world. We weren't told where we were going, what we were doing or who would be at the location, all we were told was that it was an hour away, and that we should probably have some breakfast. As I sat there, chomping on my banana, I enjoyed my last few minutes away from the cameras.

We arrived at a big estate in Chelmsford. Our driver added 20 minutes onto the journey by going the wrong way, but that's beside the point. We still weren't allowed to talk to each other, but Liv told us that we would have to wait for a little while before we could leave the car park. Poor Kira was absolutely desperate for a wee, and turns out we had to wait an extra hour in the car before we could start the day! I honestly don't know how she held it for so long. As we sat in the car, in silence, a big horse and carriage came past our car. "Is that for us?" one of the girls asked, but Liv assured us it was for a wedding. A wedding on a Monday? Sure Liv, sure.

Finally, once we got the all clear from production, Liv walked us up towards this huge house. Honestly, it was breathtaking. Like something out of Downton Abbey. One by one, the four of us girls had to sit in a car, and be filmed walking out of it and into the building. I was second to last, and as I entered the house I was told to walk into the room on my right. However, I wasn't told that ALL of the other girls were waiting for me in that room! I walked in and was met with lots of "Hi's!" from all the girls. I must admit, it was a little overwhelming, but I was so happy to finally meet all of them and be able to speak to each other. We stood in this big Hall and sipped champagne, all whilst being filmed meeting each other. Talking to everyone now seems like such a blur, there was so many people to meet, but I especially remember talking to Shaunagh, Efi and Sophia. However, what I most remember is how dressed up everyone was! There I was, stood in trainers and a jumper, with no make up on, feeling very very out of place and not 'modelly' in the slightest. It was also odd having cameras everywhere around us, something that I would eventually get used to during my time on Britain's Next Top Model.

After getting to know each other for an hour or so, we then received a Model Mail asking us to go outside. We made our way outside and eagerly awaited the next stage of our adventure, although I must admit it was freezing cold. Suddenly, from our right, we then saw two beautiful horses pulling a Cinderella like carriage. So, Liv, turns out you were lying about it being for a Wedding! The carriage was carrying none other than Abbey Clancy herself! She looked absolutely beautiful in a long gown, and I must admit I was slightly star struck. Abbey then told us that we were to be stripped back to reveal our natural beauty, and that we would meet her later for our first challenge.

We were taken to a room which had a rail of nude leotards, and told to remove our make up and put on our nude heels. Well, this was a quick change for me as I didn't have any make up on to start with as I was so unprepared. We were also asked to put our hair into a pony tail. The house was chilly and I remember my legs going blue from the cold. We then went downstairs to where Abbey was waiting on a throne with a red carpet in front of her. One at a time, we were asked to do a catwalk for her. Oh dear. My worst nightmare. I had never done a catwalk before, let alone been told how to do one. Let's just say, I wasn't feeling confident. It was also our first opportunity to prove ourselves in front of the other girls, so there was a lot of pressure. When it was my turn to walk, I got too nervous and concentrated more on not falling over than actually what I was doing. What a fail! Abbey went on to tell me that my walk was "wet" but that it was okay. At least not bad, right? She then asked me why I was better than the other girls, and I really felt I needed to redeem myself with my answer. Safe to say, I think I did as she seemed impressed and told me I was gorgeous and had a lot of potential. However, I honestly cannot remember what my answer was now. Anything would have sounded good in comparison to my awful walk! During the last of the girls walks, Louisa's, poor Martha fainted. I'm not surprised that one of us fainted to be honest. We had been stood in the same spot for a couple of hours in next to no clothing, and there was a lot of pressure! I remember being so confused as to what had happened, as Martha was stood behind me when she dropped to the floor, so I wasn't really sure what had happened. The crew were quick to come and help her though, and after a few minutes she was okay. Martha is not the kind of girl to make a fuss or want attention for feeling poorly, so I really did feel sorry for her. After Martha had recovered, we met Judge and photographer, Nicky Johnston! He informed us that our next challenge would be a princess style photoshoot, shot by him, wearing Argos jewellery. We were then taken upstairs to meet the beauty team. This included Paul Edmonds' hair team and Lee Pycroft's make up artists. Having our hair and make up done was so lovely. I'd never had a professional hair dresser work on my hair before, and Paul's creation was beautiful. Shemaliah, from Lee's team, did a beautiful pink make up look and I loved it. One by one, we were taken downstairs to have our shoot. As the girls came back up from their shoot, they told the rest of us what it was like. The first thing each of them said was that there was a male model! We had not been told this, so we all started to get very nervous. My first ever photoshoot, and now I was expected to pose with someone else? I did not feel prepared. When it was my turn, I didn't actually feel too nervous! After meeting all of the girls and getting to know them, I no longer felt like this was a competition. However, I knew that my catwalk performance wasn't the greatest and that I needed to show the judges what I was made of. I walked into the shoot with a confident mind, and tried to really relax. I thought "I don't want to get nervous and have regrets" so I really gave it my all. I honestly had no clue what I was doing, but with every frame I tried to change my angle, and tried not to be afraid to touch 'Sam' the male model. I received lots of positive comments off the judges, and felt it went really well!

After all of us girls had completed our shoots, we were bought back down into the catwalk room. We weren't told what was going on, only that the judges had some last minute filming to do. I think we were in that room for about 2 hours, from 7pm to 9pm, but I'm not 100% sure. It was a long time, lets put it that way! As the time ticked by, I began to feel really sick. I started shaking and not being able to breathe very well, and all of sudden thought I was going to faint. I went straight to researcher Liv, who helped me outside. I think I was having a panic attack. None of this was filmed, thankfully, but I felt like I couldn't hold my body up. I have a condition called Postural Tachycardia Syndrome, which I may go into detail about some day, but to shorten the story one of the side effects is that if I stand for too long I can feel as though I am about to faint. Liv, Claire, Ben the camera man, Juno the medic and a few other members of the team sat outside with me and did all they could to make me feel better. They were honestly amazing. I think it was all the pressure from the day and the long hours of standing, but after my 5 minute meltdown I honestly felt so much better. It's laughable now, thinking back to me sat outside this grand estate, mascara smeared down my face, sat in a very expensive dress teamed with Ben's jumper and a lollypop in my mouth. A real 'Absolutely Fabulous' moment. Once I had calmed down, the team helped me back inside and I had to do the awkward walk back into the room with all the girls. There was no cameras around at this point, but all the girls were honestly so lovely. I explained my medical condition and they were all so understanding, and vowed that they would do all they could to help me if I ever felt poorly. Knowing they cared was the best feeling.

After a few hours of waiting, all 13 of us were then taken into the stairway. We weren't told anything, apart from that they needed to do one last bit of filming. We all walked in in our princess dresses and saw a table with 10 tiaras and 3 boxes. Obviously, silly old me, was saying to the girls "I bet the boxes are for the best walk, best shoot and best overall! I want a box!" Am I actually thick? I most definitely did not want a box. From the top of the stairs came Abbey, Nicky and the male model. We were then told that the male model was actually new judge, Max Rogers! Clever Efi actually had figured it out, but wasn't allowed to tell any of us. Abbey then told us that not all of us would be making it through to the BNTM house. A surprise elimination! My stomach dropped. I really thought after my poor walk that I was gone. Abbey read out a list of girls names, "Shaunagh.. Efi... Ivy... Sophia... Cirrah Leah.. Alisia..." and with each name a tiara was taken and the girl was told to walk up the stairs. Name after name was called, and I began to lose hope. All of sudden, Abbey remarked "Tamsin!" and I honestly couldn't believe it. "I didn't think you were going to say my name!" I squealed, as I collected my tiara. All of my fear and nerves from that day vanished, and I suddenly realised how much I really wanted to stay in the competition. Georgie was called next, then Martha and then finally Louisa. This left 3 girls, Ocean, Kira and Gabriella.

The last 3 girls were told to pick up the box with their name on, and that once opened there would be a sign inside the box as to whether they were staying in the competition or not. This was so brutal, and I couldn't believe that such amazing girls were in the bottom 3. In all honesty though, I couldn't say what other girls should have been in their place. The competition was so high and all the girls are fantastic. The girls were told that once they had opened their box, if they had not made it through the elimination they were to leave through the door at the back immediately. The tension in the room was unbelievable, and none of us knew what was going to happen next. How many girls were going? We had no idea.

The girls walked to the boxes to learn their fate. All at once, they opened the boxes. Kira's had a tiara in it, but Gabriella's and Ocean's did not. A double elimination, on day one! None of us could believe it. Gabriella and Ocean hugged Kira, who out of shock was crying her eyes out, bless her. They then left out of the door and it was shut behind them, and that's the last we saw of them on the show. It all honestly happened so fast and we were all so surprised by the double elimination that had just happened. Gabriella and Ocean received no feedback from the judges, they literally weren't told why they were eliminated! Abbey then gave us a key to the Britain's Next Top Model apartment, and were told that we would be moving in tomorrow. How exciting! We were all so emotional and were all screaming, however we all also felt so awful for the girls in the other room. Gabriella and Ocean are such lovely girls and amazing models, nobody could have guessed that they would be leaving the competition. Kira felt heartbroken to be in the bottom 3, but we all reassured her that she could make a comeback. After we had got changed, all remaining 11 of us went into this big bus and made our way back to the hotel. I remember sitting on the back row with Efi and Georgie, whispering to each other about what had happened to us that day, but quietly as we were meant to be 'On Ice' again. It was so exciting though, we had made it through episode 1! That is one of my favourite memories from BNTM, getting to know Efi and Georgie on our way back from one of the most packed and exciting days of my life.

After an hours travelling, we arrived back at the hotel. As I shut the door on my room, I put my tiara down on the table and sat there in disbelief. So much had happened since I had left that room, and after being around so many girls all day I really didn't want to be in my lonely room again. However, one thing I did know for certain was that I was exhausted. I'd been up since 5am and it was now verging on midnight! As I started to drift off to sleep, all I could think was "I'm in. I've made it to the BNTM house, I've made it!"

Tune into Britain's Next Top Model, every Thursday, 9pm on Lifetime.